If you’re anything like me, you’ll be thinking surely my child doesn’t need a specialist school? Yes, he has high functioning autism (PDA) and Tourette’s, but he’s been in mainstream schools all through primary school and on the whole functioning ok, with anxiety breaks. He’s always had friends. We only just received an autism diagnosis in Year 6, so it’s plainly not obvious. The fact is he’s just very good at ‘masking’ at school. The boy you see at school, is different to the boy we see at home.
After failing all my attempts at securing a place for him at a mainstream secondary ‘independent’ boarding school (who cater for children with additional needs), and by failed, I mean for various reasons including him not liking two of the schools, and the one he did like not offering him a place (although it’s since closed down, so it’s a blessing quite frankly). Our hand was forced down the EHC assessment route with our Local Authority. It would have been a lot easier if he’d just gone to one of those independent schools, because the EHC assessment route was not an easy one. But, would we be where we are today if he had? Absolutely not. Instead, because of the daily rages we endured at home, we decided to look for a specialist residential school, knowing that the harder years from 12 – 16 years for someone with PDA, were yet to come. The family needed some respite and his younger brother needed the opportunity to live a normal life. My son needed the transitions from home to school minimised. They caused too much anxiety, which meant he couldn’t be ready to learn when he reached school in the morning. Nor could his brother for that matter, living through what he had to, it’s a wonder he made it into school some days. Also, I could no longer cope with the horrendous car journeys transporting him to school and back, so residential seemed like a win win.
I still think I was in disbelief touring specialist schools, that this is what my son needed. What were the other children like in these schools? Would he like them enough to be friends with them? He likes having friends and is sociable. Was the school ‘good enough’ or ‘academic enough’ for my child? It’s a tough journey to embark on as a parent believe me, but now we are on the other side and seeing the benefits, it was so worth it.
A specialist school is essentially a much more nurturing environment with highly skilled staff and high staff to pupil ratios, which is exactly what my son needed. He would never have coped in mainstream secondary school. To him it's like paddling upstream, he'd have got nowhere fast. More panic and anxiety would have set in and then school refusal would have started. The gap socially between him and his contemporaries widens the older they get, which is why secondary is so much harder. That and having to move around between classes, organise yourself, cope with multiple teachers and busy corridors.
The children at his specialist school are all mainstream cognitively able with a primary diagnosis of high functioning autism spectrum disorder (ASD). There are many students with a ‘PDA’ diagnosis, so the school are well trained in strategies for this type of ASD profile. The school were very quickly able to understand my son’s strengths and weaknesses. How he finds it impossible to see his role in a situation and take responsibility for any blame. It’s always someone else’s fault and retribution is fair because they deserved it. It’s absolutely essential for him to develop skills in these areas, and for him to be coached time and time again when he’s getting it wrong. There is excellent communication between education and care staff, so the same education in these essential skills can continue after the school day has ended. This is what they term ‘a waking day curriculum’, which provides for consistency in approach across both education, residential and community.
Initially my son was under the impression he would be a weekly boarder. But after one weekend home and then a horrific half term, we quickly realised (with the help of the excellent care staff at his school) that we had to give him control of his behaviour and weekend visits home. Children with PDA like to feel in control, it reduces their anxiety. They don’t like demands, so you have to make life all about choices. So, we told him that if he wanted to come home for the weekend, he’d have to show us that he can control his physical and verbally aggressive behaviour. It’s the toughest thing yet I’ve had to do as a parent. He spent 3 weeks in a row at school (with one Sunday visit from his family). You ‘send’ your child away to residential school and then tell them on the phone that they can’t come home. Can you imagine? Some parents don’t believe in boarding school, but I am of the opinion that it really depends on the child and family situation. My son takes directions from people in Authority much better than he does from his parents. He needs structure and routine, and less transitions from home to school. So, for him boarding is perfect. And in fact, when you look as his family, his father and both grandfathers all went to boarding schools and all loved it. And do you know what? After that 3-week stint, he was better able to come home and be in control of his behaviour. No longer do we have to endure the hour/two-hour long rages that dominated our lives for so many years. Not only because he feels in control and has gained new skills at school, but because he’s out of mainstream education that put far too many demands on him and caused him huge sensory overload. Mainstream school is horrendously overstimulating for him, which caused him to blow up the minute he stepped in the car outside the school gate. If you imagine your worst fear and level of anxiety it causes, that’s how children with PDA feel all day, every day. Now we have a lovely routine going and he's home fortnightly, stays for three nights and I run him back to school early Monday morning. It's all working perfectly.
It's hard to see where the journey will take you when you’re just starting out on a new path. I no longer live under this illusion that the school would phone me up and tell me my son doesn't belong there! Yes, I did truly think that for a long time! With the right specialist school, I now see how much happier and relaxed my child is. He lives in a beautiful school in the countryside. He has wonderful care from amazing staff who all go out of their way to help all the time. We have a lot of communication from both him and the staff, both on the care and education side. He really couldn’t be happier, and the time we spend together as a family now is much happier too.
So, don’t be scared to travel the path unknown. Trust your instincts because they are normally right. The key is finding the right environment for your child. Any yes, my son did require a specialist school after all!
Summit Search specialise in helping families identify suitable schools for children with special educational needs. We work with pupils who are mainstream cognitively able, whose primary need is ASD, PDA, ADHD, Dyslexia, Speech & language, Sensory Processing and Tourette’s. Please visit us at: www.summitsearch.co.uk
Tamara King is an experienced Educational Consultant for SEN, and a parent to children with Autism (PDA), Tourette’s, ADHD and Dyslexia. Please contact us at: info@summitsearch.co.uk.
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